Bridging with Chess

“Chess is the gymnasium of the mind”

– Blaise Pascal 

In one of my previous articles, I discussed the importance of bridging. Bridging is taking an idea or lesson learned in one area, and connecting it to other areas of life. Bridging is an essential part of the work that I do with my clients. I work hard to bridge at every opportunity, giving my clients the essential tools that they need to improve their daily functioning.

I was recently introduced to someone who also does Instrumental Enrichment. This person works in the Chicago area, and runs a chess club. This got me thinking, what important lessons can we learn and bridge from chess? (For purposes of brevity, I will omit the ones that apply to all games, e.g. the importance of knowing the rules, playing fair, losing is okay,  etc)

1. Seeing things from the other person’s perspective - What WHITE PLAYER sees isn’t necessarily what the BLACK PLAYER sees. 

2. You might need to sacrifice small to gain large

3. You might need to sacrifice large for the greater good (win)

4. Need to adjust to changing surroundings

5. Pick my fights wisely (e.g. I don't want to kill my queen to get his queen if I am losing)

6. Different people do different things, yet still have the same goal - different pieces do different things

7. You can change things while it is in your possession, but once you let go, you can’t.

8. Sometimes you can’t proceed unless you are willing to let go

9. You can’t win without a strategy

10. You will struggle if your strategy cannot adapt to changing surroundings.

11. You need to be willing to ditch your strategy, and change to a different strategy sometimes. Always check to see if your original strategy is still your best option.

12.  One needs to realize the consequences of their actions

13.  One needs to think a few steps ahead, even though one doesn’t know what will happen in between. 

14.  With hard work, even the lowest can make themselves into the highest (the pawn becomes a queen when it crosses the board)

15.  Importance of knowing the value of things (point system of pieces)

16.  Values change depending on the situation (non-mobile piece worth less than a mobile piece) likewise a bottle of cold water is worth more at the beach than it is inside a supermarket. Holiday items are cheaper after the holiday is over.

17. Chess sets may be different (e.g. plastic, glass, marble), but really they are all the same (each knight still does the same thing, whether plastic or glass). People are different, but they have the same basic needs

18. Order is important. (To castle, need to move king first, not rook) - likewise order can be important when doing other tasks e.g. baking a cake, building a home, teaching a skill.

19.  Sometimes a draw is a victory, and sometimes it is a loss. Perspective matters

20. If you keep repeating the same thing over and over again, the game ends. (threefold repetition). Likewise asking the same question over and over again will just get annoying, and the conversation might suddenly end

21.  There are limits to how long you stay doing something if you haven’t seen progress (fifty-move rule)

22. One piece can’t achieve a checkmate alone. It needs the assistance of other pieces. Likewise in life, one needs the assistance of others to thrive. Can’t do it alone

23. Sometimes you need to give other people opportunities, and not giving someone an opportunity can later bring harm to yourself (e.g. if your opponent isn't in check, but any move they make will put them in check, the game has ended in a stalemate)

It is one thing to tell someone a lesson, it is another thing to guide them to realize an important lesson on their own. When someone realizes a lesson on their own, they are much more likely to remember it, and much more likely to apply it into their own real world situations.  

My goal with my clients is to get them to recognize the important lessons that are staring them in the face. Giving them the tools to connect these lessons from the session into their own real life situations. 

Sometimes I use workbooks to accomplish this, sometimes it is pictures, and other times it through the use of games. 

Who knew that the game of chess contained so many valuable lessons?

Have you thought of a lesson that I neglected to mention?

Please share your ideas with me via email at yisroel@ympicker.com

Yisroel Picker is a Social Worker who lives in Jerusalem. He has a private practice which specializes in working with people of all ages helping them understand their own thought processes, enabling them to improve their level of functioning, awareness, social skills and more. He also lectures on the topics of communication and child safety.  

You can email Yisroel at yisroel@ympicker.com

Follow Yisroel on LinkedIn here

Don't Limit Yourself

“Maybe other people will try to limit me, but I don’t limit myself.”

– Jim Carrey

Sometimes the best pieces of advice come from the most random people and the most random time.

The year was 2005 and I was just finishing my second year studies at the Wurzweiler School of Social Work. I was chatting with another student about what we would be doing after the semester. I mentioned to him that I planned on taking a vacation to the Adirondack Mountains, which is close to the border between New York and Vermont. I would be renting a car to go on the trip, but Enterprise wouldn’t allow me to take their car into Vermont, so I would therefore only be on the New York side.

No big deal I thought, there is plenty to do in New York, way more than I could possibly accomplish during this short trip.

He turned to me and he uttered the words that still ring clearly into my ears today. “Don’t limit yourself”.

I had never spoken to this person previously, nor have I spoken to him since, but his message has had a lifelong effect on me.

When I went to get my rental car for the trip, I asked the rental agent if it was possible to add Vermont as a place I could take the car. She was more than willing to oblige. I went to Vermont on the trip and had the time of my life. The colors were gorgeous, the sites were beautiful and the people there were so wonderful. I went on boats, rode a horse and got a firsthand look at how Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream is made. I returned home with souvenirs, with memories and with the life lesson that one should never limit themself.

As I wrote in my previous article, Bridge Out, that one must always try to take their lessons and try to apply it to other areas. If I only applied “Don’t Limit Yourself” to this vacation, then I’m limiting myself. It is important to take this lesson and use it as a way of analyzing whether or not you are making the correct decision. When I am making a decision, I find myself constantly reminding myself not to limit myself.

Let me offer an example. A parent is taking their child to the mall. The parent has the intention to only stay at the mall for half an hour. As the parent is driving to the mall, they see that they can either park on the street where they can legally park for one hour, or they can park on the adjacent street where they can legally park for three hours. Often the parent will decide to park in the one hour zone, since they only intend of being there for half an hour.

But is that the smart choice?

What happens if they arrive at the mall and they see that there are special activities going on at the mall that are great for their child? What happens if they suddenly remember that they need to buy something for their child, and they can get it at the mall right now? Is the parent able to change their original plan or have they limited themselves to spending no more than an hour in the mall due to where they parked?

When one is able to truly apply the principle of ‘Don’t Limit Yourself’ into their daily life, they will find ways to give themselves more flexibility to adapt to changes.

Is this a rule that one should apply 100% of the time? Absolutely not!

There will be times when you will want to limit yourself. If you are on a diet perhaps carrying less money on you will help prevent unwanted snacking. If your schedule doesn't afford the option of staying at the mall longer than an hour, parking in the one hour parking area can give you added motivation to get out of the mall within an hour.

There will be times to limit yourself and times not to limit yourself. Make an effort to recognize which is which and be extremely careful not to unnecessarily limit yourself.

Yisroel Picker is a Social Worker who lives in Jerusalem. He has a private practice which specializes in working with people of all ages helping them understand their own thought processes, enabling them to improve their level of functioning, awareness, social skills and more. He also lectures on the topics of communication and child safety.  

You can email Yisroel at yisroel@ympicker.com

Follow Yisroel on LinkedIn here

Knowledge 2.0 - Part 2

Wisdom is the right use of knowledge. To know is not to be wise. Many men know a great deal, and are all the greater fools for it. There is no fool so great a fool as a knowing fool. But to know how to use knowledge is to have wisdom.

-Charles Spurgeon

In my previous article, Knowledge 2.0, I discussed the difference between knowledge (facts) and wisdom (applying the facts). In that article, I used a tomato as the catalyst to develop and express my point.

For part 2, I feel the need to pull off the gloves and confront a specific example that plague too many in our community.

Years ago I was speaking with a woman who was having a very tough time. The family dynamic was just her and her mother. When this person was a teenager her mother got very sick. During this time, this woman was desperate for support. Unfortunately, she received anything but support from her peers. Her friends and classmates said things like “G-d makes people suffer as a wake up call to do teshuva”, “If G-d tests you it means you can pass the test” and “We see from the story of Dina bas Yaakov that if harm comes your way, it means you did something wrong”.

This led this woman to have a real struggle. First of all, she felt that she was getting blamed for her mother’s illness. Second, it meant that no one was offering her sympathy. Third, people were using her religion against her. They were then building a wall by saying things like “That’s what the Torah teaches us, who are you to argue with the Torah? Do you not believe in the Torah?”

This is a common example of knowledge without wisdom. It then inevitably gets followed by arrogance to cover up the fact that the knowledge is being shared minus any wisdom.

So what did I do?

This was a woman who very much wanted to be strong in her frumkeit. But this was a real struggle now. How could I connect with her, when all she saw was the aforementioned wall?

I decided to take out some sforim and learn with her.

I showed this woman that there are other Rabbis who say other things about suffering. R’ Ahron Kutler zt”l writes about how suffering is like a hug from G-d. It isn’t always a tool to get someone to do better, sometimes suffering is needed for other reasons, for loving reasons. R’ Kutler then brought gemarras (one about R’ Akiva) to prove his point.

We then saw a piece from R’ Tzaddok HaCohen (אות מ"ג click here to see screenshot of the sefer) where he writes in Tzidkas HaTzaddik that not every test is made to be passed. Sometimes we are put into a position which we will fail, just to see how we handle the failure. (He then says that at the time of the test, one can never apply this, as it will lead to sin. This can only be applied afterwards). 

Now this woman has multiple pieces of knowledge, and the wisdom to know which applied in her case and which did not. Sadly, her friends lacked the wisdom, and nearly broke her more than she was already broken.

Unfortunately, the above story is not an isolated incident. It happens all too often with victims of abuse. People without wisdom say eerily similar statements to victims. They then follow it up by claiming that any challenges to these statements are blasphemous.

One should never say words of rebuke at a time when one needs to hear words of sympathy and support.

When a person is in the midst of a huge struggle in their life, if they can’t handle your Torah based criticism, NEVER EVER “double-down” insisting that “The Torah is right”.

Here is a general rule that one should follow. When someone is struggling, whatever that struggle may be, ask yourself if your words will help build them. If the answer isn’t a definitive yes, probably best that you not say it.

Yisroel Picker is a Social Worker who lives in Jerusalem. He has a private practice which specializes in working with people of all ages helping them understand their own thought processes, enabling them to improve their level of functioning, awareness, social skills and more. He also lectures on the topics of communication and child safety.  

You can email Yisroel at yisroel@ympicker.com

Follow Yisroel on LinkedIn here