Ignore the Hindsight

“It is easy to be wise after the event.”
― Arthur Conan Doyle

Something very out of the ordinary caught my eye while walking home this morning.

Police were gathered around a car.

I’ve seen police gather around cars before, but never like this.

This time, bystanders were allowed to be near the car. That means they weren’t concerned about a bomb.

As I got to the car, I saw what the concern was.

In the back seat, there was a car seat that was completely covered by a baby blanket.

No one was sure whether or not there was a baby under this blanket.

Police had someone come with tools to open the car.

They got the car opened and checked the car seat, only to discover that it was empty.

Everyone was relieved.

Everyone except one of the police officers.

He started doubting whether he made the correct move in calling for the car to be opened.

This got me to think about how we think and how we parent.

When we make a decision, we can only base it upon the information we have at that moment. We should not let hindsight dictate whether or not our decision was the right decision. We should also not let hindsight dictate whether we criticize our children for their decision.

There is the famous story about the boy who cries wolf. The people all believe him the first time, a few believe him the second time, and no one believes him thereafter.

This applies to our own decision making process. Imagine that this police officer is yet again presented with an identical scenario, and once again he calls for the car to be opened and there is no child inside. Do you think he will call for someone to open the car if this situation presents itself a third time? Would you make the call if the previous two times there was no baby inside?

Rather than judging whether we made the correct choice based upon the result, we need to judge based upon the information given to us at the time.

If we judge, and if we get our children to judge, based upon the available information at the time, there will be no hesitation as to whether to take action.

This is extremely difficult, especially as we live in a results based world. But in order to give ourselves and our children the tools to make smart decisions, we need to help them with their decision making process. One of the ways to do this is by helping them realize that we judge our decisions based upon what we knew at the time and not by what we learned thereafter.

Yisroel Picker is a Social Worker who lives in Jerusalem. He has a private practice which specializes in working with people of all ages helping them understand their own thought processes, enabling them to improve their level of functioning, awareness, social skills and more.

To speak with Yisroel about speaking at a child safety event or to discuss a personal case, email him at yisroel@ympicker.com

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Challenge the Question

“Everything we know has its origins in questions. Questions, we might say, are the principal intellectual instruments available to human beings.”

— Neil Postman

Children are taught from a young age to answer questions. Tests are filled with questions that they must answer. Conversations start with questions.

Children are also taught to ask questions. They are encouraged to explore their creativity. To ask why and try to figure out the answer.

While children are taught to ask and taught to answer, there is one main thing they are never taught.

Challenge the question.

Allow me to explain. When I was about 11 years old, I was watching a news show on Nickelodeon. The show was hosted by Linda Ellerbee and she first showed her panel (of children) two news stories. The first news story was about a crime that was videoed by a bystander. The guilty were able to be caught since the bystander took a video. The bystander who took the video was considered a hero. The second story was about a man who went out on his porch with his video camera and recorded a couple in their apartment having sex. This man who videoed was considered a criminal.

Linda asked the children: “So is videotaping good or bad?”

Some of the children explained why it was bad while the rest explained why it was good.

Yet no one attacked the question.

The question was being used to force the child into an all-or-nothing type choice. It wasn’t a fair question. Like many things if used properly it can be beneficial, yet if used incorrectly it can be harmful.

If we want to really enable out children to become better thinkers and less susceptible to certain manipulation tactics, children need to be taught the following about questions and answers.

There are two types of questions and there are two types of answers.

There are questions that are asked because the one asking wants an answer and there are questions that are asked because the one asking is trying to make a point.

There are answers that attempt to answer the question and there are answers that attempt to destroy the question.

Each of these have a time and place, but they can only be used if one is aware of their existence.

Yisroel Picker is a Social Worker who lives in Jerusalem. He has a private practice which specializes in working with people of all ages helping them understand their own thought processes, enabling them to improve their level of functioning, awareness, social skills and more.

To speak with Yisroel about speaking at a child safety event or to discuss a personal case, email him at yisroel@ympicker.com

Follow Yisroel on LinkedIn Here

Follow Yisroel on Facebook Here