Better to be Quiet: The Streisand Effect

“Don’t waste words on people who deserve your silence. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all.”

-Unknown

 

 

“If you see something, say something.”

“Stand up for yourself.” 

“Use your voice, don’t be quiet.”

These slogans, and many similar messages, are being spread like wildfire.

Cancel culture has made it that one should bring attention to improper words and actions, and demand accountability for them.

On the surface this seems like a very good thing (when being applied at the correct time for egregious behaviors) but should one apply these principles automatically?

Despite the external pressure to use one’s voice, there are times when silence is actually the more preferable option.

This brings me to something called The Streisand Effect, named after Barbra Streisand and a decision that she probably wished she could revisit.

Barbra Streisand valued her privacy. She was appalled when pictures of her private mansion were posted online without her permission. (Note, these pictures were being shared to highlight erosion of the California coastline, they were not being shared with intent to violate the privacy of Barbra Streisand.)

Prior to her complaining about the picture, it was viewed six times, two of those views came from Streisand’s attorneys. After her complaining about the pictures violating her privacy, views of the pictures soared to over 400,000 views.

In other words, the mere attempt to hide information ended up spreading that information much further and quicker than had Ms. Streisand opted to remain quiet.

What does this mean for us?

When we see something outrageous, something that demands that we take action, we need to take a deep breath and to see whether our action will be beneficial or detrimental. When someone with 45 followers on twitter posts something harmful/racist, do we really want to give this person the attention that they don’t yet have by registering a complaint 

Using our voice can be extremely helpful, given the correct situation. Yet there will be situations when using our voice will be counter-productive. Additionally there are times when silence will be constituted as an agreement and there will be times when it won’t.

As much as our emotion is telling us to take action, emotional decisions usually aren’t the best decisions in the long run. Take a moment, try to view the situation rationally and with a long term outlook.

Sometimes the best action is by taking no action at all. 

 

Yisroel Picker is a Social Worker who lives in Jerusalem. He has a private practice which specializes in working with people of all ages helping them understand their own thought processes, enabling them to improve their level of functioning, awareness, social skills and more.

 

 

To speak with Yisroel about speaking at a child safety event or to discuss a personal case, email him at yisroel@ympicker.com

 

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Deceptive Truths

“Just because something isn't a lie does not mean that it isn't deceptive. A liar knows that he is a liar, but one who speaks mere portions of truth in order to deceive is a craftsman of destruction.”

― Criss Jami

 

I remember it vividly. I’m inside the synagogue near the fire exit which only opens from the inside. On the other side of this fire exit exists a metal ramp that makes a huge amount of noise when being run on. Young children are running up and down this ramp making a huge amount of noise. Eventually one of them starts knocking on the door.

“Let me in” says one of the children

“The door is locked” responds the congregant inside closest to the door.

“Can you please unlock it for me?” replies the child

“I don’t have a key” the congregant responds.

The child walks away.

We all start laughing. The door did not need a key to be opened.

The congregant gave truthful statements. Purposely misleading statements, but truthful nonetheless.

The child took the bait. He believed that a key was needed and that the person didn’t have the key.

I am bringing this story to illustrate an important point.

There are many toxic people out there who resort to different forms of manipulation. Many resort to outright lies, but a few extremely precise individuals use their words as skillfully as a surgeon uses his or her knife.

They purposely keep to the truth, adding zero falsehoods into their words, yet they purposely omit key facts. They do this in an attempt to get you to believe what they want you to believe whilst making sure they cannot be accused of lying.

This congregant said the truth. He didn’t have a key. It was Shabbos and we lived in an area where we weren’t able to carry anything, let alone keys. But his response of “ I don’t have a key” was done purposely to imply that he needed a key to open the door, and he didn’t have the key that he needed. This was a false implication.

As I started to draft this article about how toxic people use this manipulation technique it became clear to me that the top violator of this type of manipulation is the news media. (To be clear, both the left wing and right wing media are extremely guilty of this). Libel laws require that they report the truth. But that doesn’t mean they need to include all the facts.

Let’s use the following case as an example: Kayla Rolland was a Caucasian 6 year old girl who was shot to death in school by a 6 year old African-American classmate. The police and courts ruled that the shooter was too young to fully understand his actions and therefore, could not charge him with any crime.

Now imagine if the news wrote the following headline or tweet: Black male fatally shoots 6 year old white girl inside a school. Police decline to arrest the suspect despite clear evidence that he committed the shooting.

That would be a truthful statement, but it would also be extremely deceiving.

Whilst we can’t stop others from being intentionally deceiving, we can work on our antennas to pick up on misleading information. First, we need to always realize that headlines and tweets are small versions of larger stories. There is always more underneath the surface.

We also need to ask ourselves if the answer actually answers our question. Does “I don’t have a key” really answer the question of “can you please open the door?” or can it be a random statement that has no correlation?”

Also, always be wary of negative statements. Phrases such as “The Mayor doesn’t rule out the possibility…” or “My wife has never denied ....” is a great way of warping what was actually said.

It could be reported that I’ve never denied being an accomplice to a bank robbery, but then again, I’ve never been asked if I’ve ever been an accomplice to a bank robbery.

 

Yisroel Picker is a Social Worker who lives in Jerusalem. He has a private practice which specializes in working with people of all ages helping them understand their own thought processes, enabling them to improve their level of functioning, awareness, social skills and more.

 

 

To speak with Yisroel about speaking at a child safety event or to discuss a personal case, email him at yisroel@ympicker.com

 

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Symbolic (Mis)Understanding

“In this the age of concern over privacy invasion and surveillance and manipulation, people will start to realize that there is no way to avoid being manipulated by other people, governments, marketers, and the like.”

-Esther Dyson

  

 

“Hi,

I’m collecting money on behalf of victims of domestic abuse. 

Would you like to donate or do you not care about victims of domestic abuse?”

See what I did there?

I’m attempting to control the narrative

I’m trying to tell you that the reason you might choose not to donate is because you don’t care about victims of domestic abuse.

I’m trying to present you with two choices. Hand over money to me, or be branded as someone who has no sympathy towards victims of domestic abuse.

There are many reasons why a person might choose not to donate. Perhaps they don’t have the money. Perhaps they are giving to other such causes. Perhaps they don’t trust the organization that is reaching out for a donation.

But my attempting to control the “why you didn’t donate” narrative by telling you that a lack of a donation means apathy towards victims of domestic abuse is outright manipulation.

There are many symbolic acts and gestures that can mean a multitude of different things. Occasionally there are people who attempt to publicly control the narrative.

During the Vietnam War, President Nixon announced before Memorial Day that people should hang their American Flags outside their home on Memorial Day to show that they are part of the “Silent Majority” (a Nixon term used to describe non-protesters who were in support of the war in Vietnam).  

As my grandfather, a World War II veteran, went to hang his flag outside his home (an act that he would do before all federal holidays), one of his children asked him “But dad, how can you support the war in Vietnam?”. 

My grandfather looked his child in the eye and said “That *man* is not taking my flag from me. He doesn’t get to decide what my flag represents.” My grandfather then proceeded to hang his flag outside of his home. 

President Nixon had tried to control the narrative. He tried to turn the hanging of the flag into a statement of support.

He wanted people to view all the flags being placed outside as support of his administration and policies. 

This manipulation act is continuing today by all people from all across the political spectrum.  

People who are trying to control the narrative. 

People who are saying that certain symbolic actions mean something that they don’t.

If these people cared about your beliefs they’d ask you to explain yourself before casting judgement. They’d have asked why the flag was being placed outside rather than immediately seeing a flag and criticizing the homeowner for being pro-Nixon as well as being in favor of the war in Vietnam. 

Symbols mean different things to different people. Just like I cannot force my views onto others I cannot place my interpretation of symbols onto them. 

Yet there are scores of people trying to do exactly that. 

It is important to try to gauge how your words and actions will be interpreted by others and to try to choose them carefully. 

However, that doesn’t mean that you should allow yourself, your words or your actions to be manipulated.

Let the lesson here be two fold. First one should not assume they know the reason why a person is doing a specific symbolic act. Second, one should realize that by doing a symbolic act they leave themselves wide open to be misunderstood. 

Rightly or wrongly, this is the current climate that we are in.

 

Yisroel Picker is a Social Worker who lives in Jerusalem. He has a private practice which specializes in working with people of all ages helping them understand their own thought processes, enabling them to improve their level of functioning, awareness, social skills and more.

 

 

To speak with Yisroel about speaking at a child safety event or to discuss a personal case, email him at yisroel@ympicker.com

 

Follow Yisroel on LinkedIn Here

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