Stuck Together

 "There is no such thing as being the perfect parent. So just be a real one." 

— Sue Atkins

Three flights of stairs. 

Since I got married, that's how much I need to walk from the entrance of my building to get to my apartment. 

I’ve done it with packages, I’ve done it with strollers.

But then I couldn’t do it due to injuries in not one, but both of my knees. As each knee had a torn meniscus.

Fortunately, my building has an elevator, and I finally decided to utilize this machinery.

Unfortunately, the elevator was working as well as my knees were.

One afternoon, my daughter and I were descending in the elevator when we heard a loud noise that can be described as either a crack or a crunch. Either way, it was not a comforting sound.

The elevator stopped and we were stuck.

I immediately went into problem solving mode. 

Ring the alarm

Call the elevator company

Inform the fire department

It took about 45 min, but eventually we were able to get out of the elevator. 

But the ordeal was traumatic for my daughter. 

She was crying inside the elevator and even when we got out.

She said that she no longer wants to take the elevator, she only wants to do the stairs.

Being stuck was scary and the thought of it happening again was downright frightening for her.

Then I asked her a single question, and I believe her response is in line with that of at least 95% of children.

I asked her if, in retrospect, she preferred being in the stuck elevator with me or would she have preferred to be on the stairs with me being stuck without her. 

She responded “I’d rather be stuck with you”.

Parents, let this be a lesson. There are times when we get stuck, when we get into a dark place. When we feel like we are doing our children a disservice by having them around us when we have too much on our shoulders.

Kids would prefer that relationship and bond with their parents, even during the difficult time for parents.

Parents try to protect their children, and rightfully so. But pushing the child away during personal struggles isn’t protecting the child. 

Your child needs you and will choose you when given the option.

Make sure you create an environment where you’re welcoming to the child.

We all have our ups and downs. If we don’t want our children to run away from us when things are hard for them, we shouldn’t run away from them or push them aside when things are hard for us.

Yisroel Picker is a Social Worker who lives in Jerusalem. He has a private practice which specializes in working with people of all ages helping them understand their own thought processes, enabling them to improve their level of functioning, awareness, social skills and more.

To speak with Yisroel about presenting at a child safety event or to discuss a personal case, email him at yisroel@ympicker.com

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Child Abuse Prevention: Erasing Titles

 “It is not titles that honor men, but men that honor titles.”

― Niccolò Machiavelli 

Unfortunately, it happens. 

A child gets abused, whether physically or sexually, by a respected person who has a title. 

The title might be affiliated with religion, such as Rabbi or Father. 

The title might be affiliated with a profession, such as Doctor or Professor.

When the story of abuse gets published in the media, there is always a discussion as to whether the abuser should be listed with their title. 

Some people believe that such behavior should disqualify the abuser from a renowned title.

Whilst I do believe that the abuse should disqualify them from further practicing with their title, I am of the opinion that it is of the utmost importance that the person be reported in the media with their title. 

There is a misconception that certain types of people can do no harm. By removing the title from the abuser, one uses revisionism to reclassify the abuser, while still maintaining the belief that people with that title do no harm. 

Let me explain using an example: The Frank family believe that doctors aren’t abusers. When they learn that the doctor down the road from them gets arrested for abuse, they stop referring to him as a doctor. Doctors follow their Hippocratic oath. Real doctors do no harm! The abuse shows that he isn’t a real doctor!

So, both remain true, the man down the road is an abuser and doctors don’t abuse. 

This is a dangerous type of thinking. 

Why is this dangerous? Because rather than learning that abusers can be rabbis, doctors etc., one remains with the belief that these people are incapable of harming a child. 

Approximately a year ago I wrote about Cognitive Dissonance & Child Sexual Abuse. In that article I discussed how people will dismiss the claims of abuse because it conflicts with their belief. Cognitive dissonance can also be an issue, even in cases where the victim is believed. 

By reclassifying the offender as a person without the title, people still mistakenly believe that titles mean they won’t abuse children.

Abusers come in all shapes and sizes.

They come in all genders, in all ages and in all professions. 

By removing titles from the abuser, we prevent this message from being heard clearly. 

Yisroel Picker is a Social Worker who lives in Jerusalem. He has a private practice which specializes in working with people of all ages helping them understand their own thought processes, enabling them to improve their level of functioning, awareness, social skills and more.

To speak with Yisroel about presenting at a child safety event or to discuss a personal case, email him at yisroel@ympicker.com

Follow Yisroel on LinkedIn Here

Follow Yisroel on Facebook Here